Ephipany/Future Plans

As I suspected our IVF#1 was negative. Our two embryos did not make it. It was devastating. We cried and hugged it out and hopefully have healed as best we can. My way of coping has become "what's next" I always want to know what the next plan is and I don't want to hear "well after three years of BCP we'll start you on a protocol." It always feels as if they want to put me on the pill for what seems like forever before we get started. (In reality its only 3-6 weeks). This time around we were "rolled into" an FET. (Frozen Embryo Transfer) Where they thaw embryos we had frozen from our last cycle and transfer them. I didn't even have to go on the pill this time. Because I was having my period I was on day 4 when I got my BFN they started me the next day CD5 on estrogen injections. Unfortunately this round of injections is Intramuscular which means in the booty. But nothing I can't handle! Then on the 4/8 I will start Progesterone in oil shots, antibiotics (to keep me healthy for transfer), an anti inflammatory, and continue the estrogen injections. We are only about 10 days out from that transfer. I'm not very optimistic. It's hard to think you're going to have to relive pain you just went through...again. However, Kip continues to be so supportive and reminds me constantly that one day we are going to get the call that makes all the negatives seem so far in the past. So that keeps us going strong! I feel like IVF has been the biggest blessing in my life. This is my epiphany. No matter how hard or how down I get some days, I'm realizing that this has been the hardest blessing of my life. Although it's been tough and we've has so much disappointment I realize that when this does go right and we get that call that makes it all worth it, I will appreciate it so much. I think and hope that when our child is born and things are rough and I'm tired and things don't seem as perfect as I imagine them I will remember everything I went through to get this miracle and I will remember that this is my miracle, he or she IS my miracle. I'm blessed in life to know in advance I will have a miracle happen for me. Not everyone can feel so sure or know they will have a miracle. I'm going to. And I will treasure it everyday. I don't know if before infertility I would have been as appreciative. I think that I would have taken things for granted. I'm not implying that other people do this or that there won't be days I forget my journey. I'm just saying that I, ME, I'm blessed. And I have to remember on the days it's hard, the days I want to crumble in a ball of tears on the bathroom floor that I am blessed. This is my journey and for that I'm grateful and I just have to remember my miracle is going to come and I just have to be patient. I will be a mom, and I will get to see Kip as a father. Our journey will end with that. What our journey will consist of is constantly unknown but I know for sure we will be parents. And today, that is a huge step for me. Today I'm making progress. Tomorrow I will be even stronger because today gave me that strength.