So far I'm doing nothing. Well I know I'm "resting up" my ovaries but COMMON already isn't this waiting over? I know it just started but I'm done doing nothing. I'm ready for the inejctions and the u/s appointments and all the craziness. I know, Kip probably isn't ready for the hormonal me, but he and I both know that it will be worth it. Reading so much about IVF I'm anxious to see what medicine and what results I will have. I know it only takes one, but I want 25 follicles! It's such a scary balance but I'm ready to get the roller coaster on the tracks already! We have an appointment on Monday regarding my plan of care (get my calendar and order meds) and until then I'll be sitting on my thumb!
TICK FREAKING TOCK!
Monday, January 18, 2010
Thursday, January 14, 2010
POST U/S
So they had to dilate my cervix, it was very uncomfortable. Then when they put a lot of fluid into your uterus really fast that was super uncomfortable. But the overall procedure after dilation wasn't too long and over faster than I thought. So that was nice and I'm glad it's over, I just hope they learn something from it, as it was an expensive procedure, and I have a strong feeling my insurance won't cover one penny of it, even though they say they do.
Now moving forward, in all aspects!
Now moving forward, in all aspects!
Sonohysterogram
I have my sonohysterogram today in an hour. I am all of the sudden getting very nervous. Also excited for my DR to have a map into the mystery that is my uterus.
In the past at my inseminations and my hysterosalpingogram they have said every time (like I didn't KNOW from the previous 90 people who have seen my cervix, including one ER doctor who actually found my cervix so interesting he showed every nurse on the floor and my husband!) you have a pin point opening to your cervix! So I am hoping my RE can find her way around in there and so we have every possible odd on our side for the day of embryo transfer!
Ok I will post after!!
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
In the past at my inseminations and my hysterosalpingogram they have said every time (like I didn't KNOW from the previous 90 people who have seen my cervix, including one ER doctor who actually found my cervix so interesting he showed every nurse on the floor and my husband!) you have a pin point opening to your cervix! So I am hoping my RE can find her way around in there and so we have every possible odd on our side for the day of embryo transfer!
Ok I will post after!!
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Monday, January 11, 2010
It's like someone eating and smelling and tasting your most favorite food right in front of you.
It's as if all the pregnant women commiserate and go out to the grocery store at the same time just to bombard me from all angles. It's as if everyone is accidentally getting pregnant.
My lack of conception is a loss every month. Still harder, getting up getting dressed. Preventing getting depressed.
Never knowing what could have been last month. Wondering if what could have been is truly what MIGHT BE. To believe that it's possible still.
The word HOPE makes me cry. I am having a hope crisis. I want to have it, and moving forward in my cycle seems to help slightly. But deep down I just feel empty and scared and just horrified that I'm going to come out of this is more of a crisis than I ever thought there could be.
No one said the roads in life were smooth and easy to get through. And yet, the road to parenthood has been uphill and bumpy the entire way. I hope that when I wake up and my eyes see the top of the hill it's a smooth sunny wonderfully beautiful.
After 4 failed attempts at IUI we have made the decision to plunge into the depths of IVF. We know it's an emotional, physical, and financial comittment. But for a baby, we are will to push past the hard in dreams of the other side.
My goal with IVF, after of course having a healthy baby is to make sure my baby doesn't weight less than my file at the REs office!
BCPs CD3-?
Then I start my Lupron protocol and then continue BCP. And then lupron + FSH.
We shall see how it goes. I have my H2O Ultrasound this week and I hopefully will get the all clear on that and be good to go for the next long agonizing 3 months of protocol. Time to succumb to the Ambien...
G'night ladies!
It's as if all the pregnant women commiserate and go out to the grocery store at the same time just to bombard me from all angles. It's as if everyone is accidentally getting pregnant.
My lack of conception is a loss every month. Still harder, getting up getting dressed. Preventing getting depressed.
Never knowing what could have been last month. Wondering if what could have been is truly what MIGHT BE. To believe that it's possible still.
The word HOPE makes me cry. I am having a hope crisis. I want to have it, and moving forward in my cycle seems to help slightly. But deep down I just feel empty and scared and just horrified that I'm going to come out of this is more of a crisis than I ever thought there could be.
No one said the roads in life were smooth and easy to get through. And yet, the road to parenthood has been uphill and bumpy the entire way. I hope that when I wake up and my eyes see the top of the hill it's a smooth sunny wonderfully beautiful.
After 4 failed attempts at IUI we have made the decision to plunge into the depths of IVF. We know it's an emotional, physical, and financial comittment. But for a baby, we are will to push past the hard in dreams of the other side.
My goal with IVF, after of course having a healthy baby is to make sure my baby doesn't weight less than my file at the REs office!
BCPs CD3-?
Then I start my Lupron protocol and then continue BCP. And then lupron + FSH.
We shall see how it goes. I have my H2O Ultrasound this week and I hopefully will get the all clear on that and be good to go for the next long agonizing 3 months of protocol. Time to succumb to the Ambien...
G'night ladies!
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Journal entry 1/6/10
To Baby:
Today is a day I will tell you in a story when you are older. Today dad and I went to see Dr. Slater. She is a doctor who is helping mom and dad conceive you. We have been seeing her since July of 2009. We have had 4 unsuccessful attempts at conceiving you via IUI and are now moving on to a more aggressive technique called IVF (In Vitro Fertilization). That is where they create you outside of me and put you back in to grow.
Your dad and I were nervous as we waited 45 minutes for our appointment. Yesterday when I got the heart wrenching news that I was not pregnant, I was really sad. Then I was mad that it's almost 2 years of trying to have you and I have failed. So needless to say I wasn't very patient while waiting for our appointment.
Basically they think mom has something called "endometriosis" and it is preventing me from getting pregnant on my own. So we have been advised that we need to bypass my pelvis altogether and create you on the outside.
I just want you to know that even though you aren't here with us yet you are so dearly loved. Even your grandparents love you and talk about you often. We talk about names together all the time. Everyone is so excited to meet you! And no matter when you come, you will be our miracle.
Grandma and I went to lunch today. When I told her about us considering IVF she cried with joy. She kept saying how excited she was! (I swear she already has your crib picked out)
Yesterday my hope was taken from me. And today a small piece of that hope was restored. And I know I will heal but it will take awhile. Maybe I will nickname you Hope. For you will restore all the hope that has has been lost in me.
I love you my darling. Your dad loves you precious child.
Today is a day I will tell you in a story when you are older. Today dad and I went to see Dr. Slater. She is a doctor who is helping mom and dad conceive you. We have been seeing her since July of 2009. We have had 4 unsuccessful attempts at conceiving you via IUI and are now moving on to a more aggressive technique called IVF (In Vitro Fertilization). That is where they create you outside of me and put you back in to grow.
Your dad and I were nervous as we waited 45 minutes for our appointment. Yesterday when I got the heart wrenching news that I was not pregnant, I was really sad. Then I was mad that it's almost 2 years of trying to have you and I have failed. So needless to say I wasn't very patient while waiting for our appointment.
Basically they think mom has something called "endometriosis" and it is preventing me from getting pregnant on my own. So we have been advised that we need to bypass my pelvis altogether and create you on the outside.
I just want you to know that even though you aren't here with us yet you are so dearly loved. Even your grandparents love you and talk about you often. We talk about names together all the time. Everyone is so excited to meet you! And no matter when you come, you will be our miracle.
Grandma and I went to lunch today. When I told her about us considering IVF she cried with joy. She kept saying how excited she was! (I swear she already has your crib picked out)
Yesterday my hope was taken from me. And today a small piece of that hope was restored. And I know I will heal but it will take awhile. Maybe I will nickname you Hope. For you will restore all the hope that has has been lost in me.
I love you my darling. Your dad loves you precious child.
Mom
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