Eggs-Emrbyos-Uterus

Well Kip and I had our first FET on April 13, 2010 and it went well. When we got there I went in the room had acupuncture and a valium just like last time, laid on the table and relaxed. This happened for about an hour and I was dying to know how many of our 4 embryos survived thawing from cryopreservation. (The deep freezer!)

Backing up about 5 days...we had been communicating with our RE regarding how many embryos to transfer. At 60% thaw rate we were certain we would lose at least one embryo to the thawing process. We had decided that since we would be out of frozen embryos we would try to convince our RE to transfer all surviving embryos (under the assumption there would be 3 viable).

Back to transfer day. Dr. S (RE) walked in and said "Okay well we have 2..." (insert my heart sinking from the idea of 3 but happy to have at least 2)"...good embryos and 2 poor embryos, but they all survived and I'm willing to transfer all 4 if you guys want to." Now this is not common practice for a woman of my ripe young age ;) (28). So I was floored. But I can't get anxious or stressed because I'm not suppose to cramp or get excited or allow my uterus to move one hair (my uterus was zen by then). So I look at Kip and Dr. S backs up and looks down probably thinking we should decide this and gave us a minute. I looked at Kip (who previously was apprehensive about 3 but felt it was the best route to take in our specific situation) and he nodded. I said ok we're doing this? He nodded again, and then we had to initial our lives away to give Dr. S the go ahead to transfer all 4 embryos. She left and got all "sterile" and came back. Appearing through the door where magic happens came the embryologist to collect the catheter, disappeared and came back with our air bubble, embryo, embryo, embryo, embryo, air bubble, air bubble filled catheter! It was a tense moment for which I could not physically BE or GET or THINK about the word tense! ZEN...zen....zeeeennn. Dr. S thread the catheter in and placed the 4 embryos. I continued zen for another 40 minutes, including another round of acupuncture pins. Then we took our pictures and well wishes from everyone and headed home.

The following week (Transfer was 4/13 Tuesday @ 2pm) I laid in bed/chair and did nothing. I was, as the RE ordered, a princess. Through the weekend I allowed myself some activity, not a lot but enough to maintain my sanity. Our first blood test will be 4/21 follow up blood draw and pregnancy results on Friday 4/23.

Eggs

Embryos
Uterus

Ephipany/Future Plans

As I suspected our IVF#1 was negative. Our two embryos did not make it. It was devastating. We cried and hugged it out and hopefully have healed as best we can. My way of coping has become "what's next" I always want to know what the next plan is and I don't want to hear "well after three years of BCP we'll start you on a protocol." It always feels as if they want to put me on the pill for what seems like forever before we get started. (In reality its only 3-6 weeks). This time around we were "rolled into" an FET. (Frozen Embryo Transfer) Where they thaw embryos we had frozen from our last cycle and transfer them. I didn't even have to go on the pill this time. Because I was having my period I was on day 4 when I got my BFN they started me the next day CD5 on estrogen injections. Unfortunately this round of injections is Intramuscular which means in the booty. But nothing I can't handle! Then on the 4/8 I will start Progesterone in oil shots, antibiotics (to keep me healthy for transfer), an anti inflammatory, and continue the estrogen injections. We are only about 10 days out from that transfer. I'm not very optimistic. It's hard to think you're going to have to relive pain you just went through...again. However, Kip continues to be so supportive and reminds me constantly that one day we are going to get the call that makes all the negatives seem so far in the past. So that keeps us going strong! I feel like IVF has been the biggest blessing in my life. This is my epiphany. No matter how hard or how down I get some days, I'm realizing that this has been the hardest blessing of my life. Although it's been tough and we've has so much disappointment I realize that when this does go right and we get that call that makes it all worth it, I will appreciate it so much. I think and hope that when our child is born and things are rough and I'm tired and things don't seem as perfect as I imagine them I will remember everything I went through to get this miracle and I will remember that this is my miracle, he or she IS my miracle. I'm blessed in life to know in advance I will have a miracle happen for me. Not everyone can feel so sure or know they will have a miracle. I'm going to. And I will treasure it everyday. I don't know if before infertility I would have been as appreciative. I think that I would have taken things for granted. I'm not implying that other people do this or that there won't be days I forget my journey. I'm just saying that I, ME, I'm blessed. And I have to remember on the days it's hard, the days I want to crumble in a ball of tears on the bathroom floor that I am blessed. This is my journey and for that I'm grateful and I just have to remember my miracle is going to come and I just have to be patient. I will be a mom, and I will get to see Kip as a father. Our journey will end with that. What our journey will consist of is constantly unknown but I know for sure we will be parents. And today, that is a huge step for me. Today I'm making progress. Tomorrow I will be even stronger because today gave me that strength.