Bummed

Friday I had a bit of spotting and everyone was telling me it was probably implantaion spotting. Regardless it totally freaked me out. It was the first moment I realized that maybe this IVF didn't work. But I still had a string of hope. I was 30% I wasn't pregnant, but still 70% sure I possibly could be. Saturday the spotting continued. Sunday the spotting still continued. Sunday afternoon cramps like crazy spotting turned into AF. I knew it. It was devastating. I couldn't break down. I still had 10% hope that I was pregnant. But for the most part knew this was it for me. I still had hope because I've never had breakthrough bleeding with progesterone suppositories. Monday am, the morning of my pregnancy test, today, I knew without a doubt, this was AF. Usually I get my blood work done before I start AF so I'm at least prepared she's coming. This was unusally cruel and mean, this was a shock. Even though it crept up from Friday, this was in general unexpected and cruel. I haven't gotten my results back yet from the doctors office, but I already know what they will say. I already know that this is my period. It's hard because when I tell everyone that, no one believes me. Everyone still has hope. But knowing what I feel and knowing my body I know this is it for me. I get that as an outsider it would be hard to believe, and I would be in denial too. I know everyone else still has hope that I am pregnant, but I believe that if I am pregnant something is terribly wrong in there. If I am pregnant I don't know how the baby will survive this. I'm 2% hopeful there is still a small chance my embryo implanted...but 0% sure it will survive. 0% sure I am pregnant. 100% sure I am not. Now back to waiting for the sad sad confirmation call. Bleh

My day in the life of fresh emrbyo transfer, and valium...and acupuncture...and flattering pictures!

OK here I am laying with acupuncture pins in me. This is prior to the embryo transfer. I was laying there wondering if any of my emrbyos (the four we had remaining out of the freezer for our fresh cycle) had made it to transfer day. They came in and gave me a valium to relax me and I figured "Well at least one had to have made it!" So I was trying to relax. OH and thanks for noticing yes I did get a pedicure. For the very reason my feet would be in their faces! Yay for me. Forget the vag-JJ in their faces they seem to be digging to china in, my feet are pretty!

Embryo 1 & 2 as I call them. The one with the star next to it was transfered and the other was left out to watch progression and possibly freeze if doing well. Dr S says she likes the "lacey" look to this embryo!

Embryo 3 & 4 (4 is down at the bottom right you can only see the top of it.) Well this embryo with the star next to it was "proven to be the strongest" because of the cell mass in the middle navigating its way to the side. This apparently means (and I'm still learning) that the emrbyo is preparing itself to hatch. I was nearly in tears. I was very excited!






Here is a picture of my uterus (which is hard to see because it's so magnified). They fill the cathedar with an air bubble, two embryos, air bubble and air bubble respectively. The cathedar was being thread in through the left side of the picture (my cervix, feet on left head on right) and so the white dots are from R to L air bubble, 2 invisible embryos, air bubble, air bubble and then the cathedar was left in my cervix. (Not permanently they took it out I promise...well at least I think!)