The Great Misconception

It's like someone eating and smelling and tasting your most favorite food right in front of you.
It's as if all the pregnant women commiserate and go out to the grocery store at the same time just to bombard me from all angles. It's as if everyone is accidentally getting pregnant.

My lack of conception is a loss every month. Still harder, getting up getting dressed. Preventing getting depressed.

Never knowing what could have been last month. Wondering if what could have been is truly what MIGHT BE. To believe that it's possible still.

The word HOPE makes me cry. I am having a hope crisis. I want to have it, and moving forward in my cycle seems to help slightly. But deep down I just feel empty and scared and just horrified that I'm going to come out of this is more of a crisis than I ever thought there could be.

No one said the roads in life were smooth and easy to get through. And yet, the road to parenthood has been uphill and bumpy the entire way. I hope that when I wake up and my eyes see the top of the hill it's a smooth sunny wonderfully beautiful.

After 4 failed attempts at IUI we have made the decision to plunge into the depths of IVF. We know it's an emotional, physical, and financial comittment. But for a baby, we are will to push past the hard in dreams of the other side.
My goal with IVF, after of course having a healthy baby is to make sure my baby doesn't weight less than my file at the REs office!

BCPs CD3-?
Then I start my Lupron protocol and then continue BCP. And then lupron + FSH.
We shall see how it goes. I have my H2O Ultrasound this week and I hopefully will get the all clear on that and be good to go for the next long agonizing 3 months of protocol. Time to succumb to the Ambien...
G'night ladies!