Bummed

Friday I had a bit of spotting and everyone was telling me it was probably implantaion spotting. Regardless it totally freaked me out. It was the first moment I realized that maybe this IVF didn't work. But I still had a string of hope. I was 30% I wasn't pregnant, but still 70% sure I possibly could be. Saturday the spotting continued. Sunday the spotting still continued. Sunday afternoon cramps like crazy spotting turned into AF. I knew it. It was devastating. I couldn't break down. I still had 10% hope that I was pregnant. But for the most part knew this was it for me. I still had hope because I've never had breakthrough bleeding with progesterone suppositories. Monday am, the morning of my pregnancy test, today, I knew without a doubt, this was AF. Usually I get my blood work done before I start AF so I'm at least prepared she's coming. This was unusally cruel and mean, this was a shock. Even though it crept up from Friday, this was in general unexpected and cruel. I haven't gotten my results back yet from the doctors office, but I already know what they will say. I already know that this is my period. It's hard because when I tell everyone that, no one believes me. Everyone still has hope. But knowing what I feel and knowing my body I know this is it for me. I get that as an outsider it would be hard to believe, and I would be in denial too. I know everyone else still has hope that I am pregnant, but I believe that if I am pregnant something is terribly wrong in there. If I am pregnant I don't know how the baby will survive this. I'm 2% hopeful there is still a small chance my embryo implanted...but 0% sure it will survive. 0% sure I am pregnant. 100% sure I am not. Now back to waiting for the sad sad confirmation call. Bleh

My day in the life of fresh emrbyo transfer, and valium...and acupuncture...and flattering pictures!

OK here I am laying with acupuncture pins in me. This is prior to the embryo transfer. I was laying there wondering if any of my emrbyos (the four we had remaining out of the freezer for our fresh cycle) had made it to transfer day. They came in and gave me a valium to relax me and I figured "Well at least one had to have made it!" So I was trying to relax. OH and thanks for noticing yes I did get a pedicure. For the very reason my feet would be in their faces! Yay for me. Forget the vag-JJ in their faces they seem to be digging to china in, my feet are pretty!

Embryo 1 & 2 as I call them. The one with the star next to it was transfered and the other was left out to watch progression and possibly freeze if doing well. Dr S says she likes the "lacey" look to this embryo!

Embryo 3 & 4 (4 is down at the bottom right you can only see the top of it.) Well this embryo with the star next to it was "proven to be the strongest" because of the cell mass in the middle navigating its way to the side. This apparently means (and I'm still learning) that the emrbyo is preparing itself to hatch. I was nearly in tears. I was very excited!






Here is a picture of my uterus (which is hard to see because it's so magnified). They fill the cathedar with an air bubble, two embryos, air bubble and air bubble respectively. The cathedar was being thread in through the left side of the picture (my cervix, feet on left head on right) and so the white dots are from R to L air bubble, 2 invisible embryos, air bubble, air bubble and then the cathedar was left in my cervix. (Not permanently they took it out I promise...well at least I think!)

Action Jackson

Well today is Sunday and last Thursday I had my baseline u/s and started stimming. My uterine lining was nice and thin (good sign as it was the second day of my period) and I had no cysts on either side! This was also a first for me! I had 15 resting follicles on my left ovary and 7 R.F. on my right. So overall a possibility of 22 follicles (or eggs) this week!
I'm on day 4 of shots (3-4/day) and I'm fine with the injections they don't bother me anymore, but the side effects are starting to get to me. I have to remind myself that I'm half way there, and my doses went down today so hopefully it won't get worse. I could stimm for 4-6 more days depending on how well I respond. Last night through tonight is when I've had horrible stomach cramping and threats of getting sick. I'm achey all over and of course, bloated. This is hopefully just from my follicles getting nice and plump!
A quick shout out to all my S.Cyster girls. I really appreciate all the advice and support you give! I don't know how I would have gotten through all this without you!
Thursday is our first follicle u/s and then we'll go from there! Kip and I are placing bets on the # of follicles we will have. I have my b/w tomorrow and hopefully I get the all clear there!

Doing nada...I'm over it!

So far I'm doing nothing. Well I know I'm "resting up" my ovaries but COMMON already isn't this waiting over? I know it just started but I'm done doing nothing. I'm ready for the inejctions and the u/s appointments and all the craziness. I know, Kip probably isn't ready for the hormonal me, but he and I both know that it will be worth it. Reading so much about IVF I'm anxious to see what medicine and what results I will have. I know it only takes one, but I want 25 follicles! It's such a scary balance but I'm ready to get the roller coaster on the tracks already! We have an appointment on Monday regarding my plan of care (get my calendar and order meds) and until then I'll be sitting on my thumb!
TICK FREAKING TOCK!

i had to share this, scroll to the bottom of the blog and pause the music first before you hit play on this video!

POST U/S

So they had to dilate my cervix, it was very uncomfortable. Then when they put a lot of fluid into your uterus really fast that was super uncomfortable. But the overall procedure after dilation wasn't too long and over faster than I thought. So that was nice and I'm glad it's over, I just hope they learn something from it, as it was an expensive procedure, and I have a strong feeling my insurance won't cover one penny of it, even though they say they do.
Now moving forward, in all aspects!

Sonohysterogram

I have my sonohysterogram today in an hour. I am all of the sudden getting very nervous. Also excited for my DR to have a map into the mystery that is my uterus.
In the past at my inseminations and my hysterosalpingogram they have said every time (like I didn't KNOW from the previous 90 people who have seen my cervix, including one ER doctor who actually found my cervix so interesting he showed every nurse on the floor and my husband!) you have a pin point opening to your cervix! So I am hoping my RE can find her way around in there and so we have every possible odd on our side for the day of embryo transfer!
Ok I will post after!!


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